by Shannon Wagers

 

Our senior minister at Christ’s Church, Brad Wilson, is in the middle of a teaching series called “Relationship Repair.” Understanding how to cut criticism out of the thoughts and words we speak is something we may take for granted. In case you missed Brad’s teaching last Sunday, you can check out this link.

 

This is a powerful step necessary for maintaining and restoring healthy relationships. Criticism is an inevitable aspect of life that touches everyone at some point. How we handle criticism is crucial for our personal and spiritual growth.

 

Reaping What You Sow

Relationships are like gardens—we plant seeds of affection, water them with care, and bask in their beauty. But let’s face it, sometimes the weeds of criticism can creep in and threaten to choke the life out of what we have grown.

 

Picture criticism as that unwanted roommate who leaves dirty dishes of discontent and judgmental socks scattered around. Unchecked, it can sour the sweetest relationships, just like adding vinegar to your favorite ice cream. It’s just not a good mix.

 

The apostle Paul challenges us with these words, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).

 

You may say, “I’m just being honest!” It’s a phrase we’ve all used or heard. However, honesty isn’t a carte blanche for being Captain Critique. Think of it as a “use with caution” warning label on a hot sauce bottle. Too much, and you might ruin the whole experience.

 

Consider these words of Jesus from the Sermon on the Mount: “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3, ESV). We might say in our modern language, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Before pointing fingers at someone else, take an honest look in the mirror. Let’s be honest. We’ve all got logs in our eyes—if not entire forests—to deal with.

 

Pastor Chuck Swindoll often shares the phrase,

“Life is ten percent of what happens to you and ninety percent of how you react to it.”

 

Swindoll even published a book on this topic in 2023. He doesn’t guarantee constant joy or perpetual bliss. Instead, he presents wisdom to better your mental well-being and overall life quality—with your reaction to the situations you face as the key driver.

 

Taming Your Tongue

The Bible provides insights into the transformational impact the words we speak can have—both positively and negatively. In the book of James (3:5, 6), the tongue is likened to a small yet powerful part of the body. This metaphor emphasizes the enormous impact words can have, much like a small spark that sets a great forest ablaze. James vividly describes the tongue as a fire, a force of evil that can corrupt the entire body and set the course of one’s life on fire. This powerful imagery underscores the potential for both destruction and chaos when the tongue is not kept in check.

 

The book of Proverbs also addresses the importance of guarding one’s speech. Proverbs 21:23 advises, “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (ESV). We can prevent unnecessary trouble and strife by exercising restraint in our speech.

 

Proverbs 15:1 imparts the wisdom that “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (ESV). This verse underscores the power of a gentle and measured response in diffusing conflict and promoting understanding. It encourages believers to approach conversations with humility and compassion, fostering an atmosphere of peace.

 

Proverbs 18:21 delivers a profound truth about the tongue, stating, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (ESV). This Scripture verse emphasizes the dual nature of words—they possess the power to uplift and give life—but they can also bring about destruction. The choices individuals make in their speech determine the fruit they will bear, impacting their own lives and the lives of those around them.

 

The apostle Paul encourages believers to engage in conversations filled with grace and “seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6, ESV). This metaphor encourages a balanced approach—speech that is gracious, uplifting, and seasoned with wisdom. The verse suggests that such conversations equip people to respond wisely to others, fostering positive and constructive interactions.

 

Instead of focusing on what’s wrong in a given situation, shine a light on what’s right. Encouragement is the antidote to criticism. Encouragement is like chocolate chips in a cookie—making cookies and relationships better!

 

Dealing with Criticism

What should you do if you’re on the receiving end of criticism? Let’s look at a few ways to overcome this.

 

Seek God’s Guidance

Pray humbly, asking for God’s help. Remembering that God is a constant presence in our lives can help lead our thoughts that become actions (or reactions!).

 

Utilize “I” Statements

Share personal feelings without pointing blame. For example, say, “I feel hurt when you do X,” instead of “You always do X!” This is much less confrontational.

 

Discover Common Ground

Focus on what you agree on. Differences can divide, so look for areas of agreement.

 

Embrace Forgiveness

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It means letting go of resentment.

 

Communicate Effectively

Open and honest communication is key. Say exactly what you mean to prevent misunderstandings.

 

Exercise Patience

Patience is not just a virtue, it is a vital component in relationships. Recognize that not everything in a relationship allows for a quick fix. Some things take time, effort, and understanding from both partners.

 

Remember relationships are always a work in progress. We’re all figuring it out as we go. Colossians 3:13, 14 challenges us to “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (NIV).

 

The lesson here is clear—speak words that build up, not tear down. It’s like playing relationship Jenga; keep building up and avoid toppling it with negativity. Let’s recognize that life is not solely about the events that occur but rather about how you choose to respond to them.

 

With a 25-plus year career at Procter and Gamble, Shannon Wagers has launched dozens of consumer products, and is the recipient of six patents. He is North America Manager for P&G Leadership Academy Operations and is recognized as P&G’s Master Facilitator. Shannon resides in Liberty Township with his wife Ruth, daughter Katherine, and dog Bear.